To my dearest first love,
At first I was not that into you, I mean you were hot, the time was right, and I knew you had your eye on me but there was another I was holding out for. You reached out and flirted, letting me see there was something there to be desired, but it wasn’t until I realized how jealous it would make this guy that I decided to go for it. No holding back, all hands on deck right? that is what the great New York City required. So suitcase packed I came to you scared, alone, no bed to lay my head on, but I had a job. And oh man did you make me work for it, I stripped down to nothing gave you all I had and you laughed! ah man, you so laughed right in my face. Told me that while some were better and some were worse I was nothing special. For the first time in my life I knew the sting of being a Random. Wielding my big chef’s knife I hunkered down prepping cooking cleaning, prepping cooking cleaning until I had cleaned all the glamour out of the kitchen, cooked down my self identity and prepped myself to back to the bar. Once I changed my clothes and put some makeup on you changed your tune, didn’t you? You asked me for drinks, introduced me to some of your friends (not your best friends but I didn’t care) and showed me a good time. Like the sailors and the sirens I stopped doing anything else and became lost at sea. Two years had gone by my hair was long my body uncared for and I couldn’t tear myself from the scene. Then someone pushed me, not you of course you could care less if i gave myself over to you, they gave me a map and mirror and I screamed at the sight. The new course was set although the goal was the same: impress you, show you I am special. In my cardigan and ballet flats, my short hair and slender frame, I pranced onto the Ivy League campus and showed you what I was made of. Oh, you like this side me do you? My butt looks nice in classic fit american made jeans, I see you staring! Finally we can make this work together I knew you would come around. Wait, this is haaard! How long am I supposed to keep this up? Oh dear, my back hurts from sitting up so straight. Back to the dark side for me and I think you’re coming with me. In dark corners we sit holding hands amongst the seedy characters you call friends. Licking your chops you shoved me against the filthy wall and kissed me hard reeking of booze gum and cologne. With your hand up my skirt I see your eyes begin to wander. One heat becomes another and I am enraged at the thought that I am still not enough. Scrambling like a magician in a tough crowd I try all my best tricks and while making my way out of the hanging water tank you kissed her. Right there I opened my eyes under water, still handcuffed inside, and saw it happen. How could you do this to me, my beloved city? Then you remind me that so many others have done something similar and while some were better and some were worse, I was nothing special. Well, I will show you Mr. others think differently and I learned a lot from you. So bags packed, heels on (well not for the driving part) I am leaving you with my head held high. There were long talks before I drove off though and you promised to make it up to me…ummm if you’re lucky, we’ll see.